The sun snuck through the windows. Ugh. Morning came to early. I checked the clock. 6:10. Ugh. It was already late. The morning workout should’ve already started.
I hated that the daylight hours were getting this short. I couldn’t tell what it was. The later sunrises? Maybe not having a next race or end of the season blah? Maybe my period or some pre-menopause shenanigans? Maybe ragweed? Maybe low iron? I don’t know what it was, but I was so blah.
It was supposed to be a swim / run day.* But I switched my weekly long run to the next morning, so that didn’t make sense. “I’ll bike.” I thought. The morning was chilly. I forgot my arm warmers. I didn’t want to drive less than a mile to the pool. I didn’t want to walk. Ugh. Stupid day.
Caffeine helped. I’d bike to the pool, swim, and then bike after.
I pulled on my swimsuit and then reached for the kit I’d laid out for the morning. Short sleeves. Too cold. Ugh.
“Oh screw it!” I pulled the tags off my pretty new Betty skin suit. It was far too pretty for this crappy workout and I just didn’t care, it had long sleeves. I pulled it up and and zipped it over my swimsuit. I paused and sat back down on the bed. This wasn’t what I wanted to do.
*Why the hell was today “supposed” to be a swim day? Says who? I’ve got no coach. No training plan. Not even any triathlons on the schedule. It would be over a week since I was last in the pool, but really…”supposed to be a swim day”???
“Oh screw it!” I unzipped, took off my swimsuit, and pulled the skinsuit back on. I was just doing the bike ride. But not on the road. Of course I broke my cyclocross bike earlier in the week. What I had was my old mountain bike. Crap. I didn’t take the pedals off my bike when I turned it over to the Bike Guy’s care. But I was so not going on the road, so flat pedals would just have to do.
You know those days… When you can’t get out of you’re own way? When you can’t get all the things you need to leave the house in the same place at the same time? When you think going back to bed might be the safest thing to do? When you want to cry because you hate how you feel, but you can’t make it stop and you think you just might be broken? It was one of those.
As I slowly pedaled away from the house, my phone rang. It was Jason. “My old pedals are in the tool box.” (This is cycling couple speak for “I love you. It’s going to be okay.”)
With pedals changed, I rolled out for the second time. My legs were heavy and tired. (moping is exhausting)
I came to the end of the pavement and all I saw was a sky filling with rising sun.
I usually stay on the hard packed, rocky beach road on my cx bike, but because I broke my bike, this morning I had the wheels for the beach. I rode for however long on the sand, right at the water’s edge, seeing no one.
I almost chose the bad day. This was all right here and I almost chose the crappy, down-on-myself, can’t-find-a-thing, what’s-the-point day.
Play. I must remember to play. I must remind myself that immersing myself in the outside makes me happy. It is simple, it is free, it restores – it’s so hard to remember!
Scenes from the Terrible, Horrible Bad Day that wasn’t:
I almost chose a crappy day over all of this. Inertia is tough! 🙂