Hello. It’s been a while.
A few years ago, I decided that I’d spent too many years wishing I could sing, so I started taking voice lessons. If you’ve ever been told and believed you had a horrible voice, this is humbling. In addition to learning that I’m an alto and don’t actually have a terrible voice, I learned a lot about breathing and it’s necessity to making vocalizing sound. I guess I’d never had a reason to think about the mechanics of voice and and air passing over vocal chords or what happens to my voice when I hold my breath.
I’ve been quiet. I’ve been anxious. When I’m anxious I feel like there’s no air, so I hold my breath. And when I hold my breath, I can’t speak. So I think. And I try to find traction and make sense of things. And when this fails me, I stop looking for answers and starting searching for hope. This hasn’t been easy this year. Too much is irreconcilable for me.
But here I am. It’s a glimmer, but I have some.
And with just a little hope, I finally exhale. And I find there is air for my next breath.
I can hear my voice.