Tag: choices

Alexandra and the Terrible Horrible Day – almost

The sun snuck through the windows. Ugh. Morning came to early. I checked the clock. 6:10. Ugh. It was already late. The morning workout should’ve already started.
I hated that the daylight hours were getting this short. I couldn’t tell what it was. The later sunrises? Maybe not having a next race or end of the season blah? Maybe my period or some pre-menopause shenanigans? Maybe ragweed? Maybe low iron? I don’t know what it was, but I was so blah.

It was supposed to be a swim / run day.* But I switched my weekly long run to the next morning, so that didn’t make sense. “I’ll bike.” I thought.  The morning was chilly. I forgot my arm warmers. I didn’t want to drive less than a mile to the pool. I didn’t want to walk. Ugh. Stupid day.

Caffeine helped. I’d bike to the pool, swim, and then bike after.

I pulled on my swimsuit and then reached for the kit I’d laid out for the morning. Short sleeves. Too cold. Ugh.

“Oh screw it!” I pulled the tags off my pretty new Betty skin suit. It was far too pretty for this crappy workout and I just didn’t care, it had long sleeves. I pulled it up and and zipped it over my swimsuit. I paused and sat back down on the bed. This wasn’t what I wanted to do.

*Why the hell was today “supposed” to be a swim day? Says who? I’ve got no coach. No training plan. Not even any triathlons on the schedule. It would be over a week since I was last in the pool, but really…”supposed to be a swim day”???

“Oh screw it!” I unzipped, took off my swimsuit, and pulled the skinsuit back on. I was just doing the bike ride. But not on the road. Of course I broke my cyclocross bike earlier in the week. What I had was my old mountain bike. Crap. I didn’t take the pedals off my bike when I turned it over to the Bike Guy’s care. But I was so not going on the road,  so flat pedals would just have to do.

You know those days… When you can’t get out of you’re own way? When you can’t get all the things you need to leave the house in the same place at the same time? When you think going back to bed might be the safest thing to do? When you want to cry because you hate how you feel, but you can’t make it stop and you think you just might be broken? It was one of those.

As I slowly pedaled away from the house, my phone rang. It was Jason. “My old pedals are in the tool box.” (This is cycling couple speak for “I love you. It’s going to be okay.”)

With pedals changed, I rolled out for the second time. My legs were heavy and tired. (moping is exhausting)

I came to the end of the pavement and all I saw was a sky filling with rising sun.

I usually stay on the hard packed, rocky beach road on my cx bike, but because I broke my bike, this morning I had the wheels for the beach. I rode for however long on the sand, right at the water’s edge,  seeing no one.

I almost chose the bad day. This was all right here and I almost chose the crappy, down-on-myself, can’t-find-a-thing, what’s-the-point day.

Play. I must remember to play. I must remind myself that immersing myself in the outside makes me happy. It is simple, it is free, it restores – it’s so hard to remember!

Scenes from the Terrible, Horrible Bad Day that wasn’t:

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I almost chose a crappy day over all of this. Inertia is tough! 🙂


My Dad

Me & my dadFor years I believed that my dad was the strongest man in the universe. And if not the strongest, at least invincible.

Right now he’s in a hospital treating a very dangerous infection. He’s exhausted. He’s got crazy fevers. He’s got a good prognosis and he’s got a long road ahead of him. His physically depleted state is hard to see and the past several days have been really rough.

We were talking this morning about his night and his new hospital room. There was another fever spike, there were new nurses, and breakfast was on it’s way. There were lots of details to report, but he also had a story to share.

Because of all the testing, blood work, scans, and the bouts of fever spikes, he’d barely slept for days. He was exhausted. And in the middle of the night, at midnight, after he had finally fallen asleep, they woke him to bring him to a different section of the hospital for a CT Scan.  They woke him. At midnight. It was ridiculous.

He wasn’t happy. He was frustrated and pissed that they couldn’t just let him sleep and do it another time. He felt bad for himself, rightly so. They wheeled him down to the basement and through the hallways to the CT scan area where he was met by a polite young technician. He was still frustrated. The man was very pleasant. But he wasn’t up for making a new friend.

But he saw this young guy. Doing his job. Being polite. Awake at midnight to do CT scans.

And suddenly he had this realization. his attitude wasn’t going to do anything. He wasn’t a victim. This man wasn’t a bad guy. And on the spot, he shifted and reengaged with the young man and got on with the business of having the best CT Scan experience possible. (and making another new friend)

I’ve thought about this story all day. I’m back to being pretty sure about my dad’s invincibility…his invincible spirit. Somehow he’s learned to look at how he engages in his own life – even in really awful, stressful moments. He’s practiced a lot. And he still enjoys how much he learns from his experiences. Even a miserable midnight wake-up can’t keep my dad from making a new friend with the next stranger he meets.

I love this about my dad.